More Jesus Novelty Gifts Sure To Send Me To Hell

Best Jesus Novelty Gifts

I most assuredly offended people when I shared with you the Hipster Nativity Set this year. Well, don’t forgive me yet because these Jesus inspired gifts for 2016 will not absolve me of my past sins.

In all seriousness, I am not the Anti-Christ, but merely taking a tongue-in-cheek poke at the novelty gifts out there designed with Jesus in mind.

Having shared with you 15 fabulous Jesus-Inspired Stocking Stuffers in 2014, it’s time to update that list with 15 more new and improved blasphemy.

Best Jesus Novelty Gifts

Instant Jesus

This kitschy Instant Jesus can be re-inflated when he loses his perkiness. Just open the valve, pour away the liquid inside and blow up.
Contains 1 x Instant Jesus
buy it here

Cheesus Christ Cheese Grater

I think this is my favorite of this year’s irreverent religious products. Paladone’s Cheeze Grater is etched with the face of the Lord for the best shredded cheddar on this side of Bethlehem.
buy it here

Blow Up Bathtime Jesus

He really walks on water! An inflatable Jesus with a weighted bottom is guaranteed to turn bath time into a holy experience. He can also be fun in fountains, birdbaths, swimming pools or just as a decorative object.
buy it here

What Would Jesus Wear? Magnetic Dress-Up Set

You can dress J.C. in anything from traditional garb (white robe, cross) to surfer dude (tie-dyed shirt and surfer shorts). There are also loads of props such as loaves, fishes, chalices, hats, and tools from his carpenter years. Approximately 7.5″ x 12″. It has a total of two sheets, including all accessories. It’s fun, funny and educational
buy it here

Jesus Soap Dispenser
Creatively designed with your needs in mind by Our name is Mud, this countertop soap dispenser claims “Wash your hands and say your prayers because Jesus and Germs are everywhere.” Perfect for the God-fearing and Germ-phobic.  Measures approximately: 7.125″ High x 2″ Wide x 4.25″ Long
buy it here 

Jesus Holy Water flask 
holy water flask
This stainless steel flask is the most righteous way to sneak liquor into anyplace.
buy it here

Jesus Shaves Heat-Changing Mug
jesus heat changing mug
The 12 oz. Jesus Shaves Mug begins with the traditional bearded Jesus. But when you pour in hot liquid, a miracle transpires – His beard gradually vanishes before your very eyes! Before too long, you are looking at a clean-shaven Messiah. Hallelujah!
buy it here

Lookin’ Good For Jesus Journal

From the illustrator behind the successful Lookin’ Good for Jesus beauty products and accessories, this riotously funny notebook comes with two sheets of super cool temporary tattoos.
buy it here

Submissive Jesus

Tired of asking Jesus for help without receiving an answer? With the Submissive Jesus Prayer Answering Talking Head, those days are gone. You just hold the Submissive Jesus in your hands, pray for something, then twist the crown of thorns on his head. He will let out a helpless yelp and then answer you with one of 100 random phrases like: “Stop it, I’m just the middle man” or “Let me ask my dad.” It even comes with a 26 page instruction manual that jokingly tells the owner how to pray responsibly.
buy it here

And Jesus Washed Bar Soap

Apparently Jesus was a member of Fight Club. Almond, cocoa butter scented bar soap will wash away everything but your sins. Ponder. Rinse. Repeat. Made in the USA – soap is 2oz 2.25″ x 1.75″ x 1″
buy it here

Jesus Travel Mug
jesus travel mug funny
It’s always better to travel with Jesus than without. This durable 16 oz stoneware mug features the artwork of Lorrie Veasey. Includes Gift box. Measures: 4.5″H x 3.75″W x 5.25″L
buy it here
Also worth noting is the Jesus coffee mug by Lorrie Veasey. 16 oz Stoneware:

buy it here

Jesus Air Fresheners 2 pc set
jesus air fresheners
Let Jesus fill your car with the heavenly scent of Pine. The 2 pack of 3.5″ diameter paper infused frsheners read “Would You Like Me To Take The Wheel?” on one side and “It Smells Like Heaven In Here!” with the same artwork by Lorrie Veasey that appears on the travel mug above..
buy it here

Solar Powered Waving Jesus

Made from plastic, Jesus has a built in solar panel that doesn’t need batteries, just need a sunny window sill to get him dancin’ and wavin’
buy it here

The Christ Buddy Vinyl Bank, Dashboard Figure and Bobble Head
Buddy Christ
Made by Diamond Select, The Christ Buddy products are from Kevin Smith’s cult film DOGMA
buy the bank here
buy the bobblehead here
buy the dashboard figure here

Dancing with Jesus
dancing with jesus
Sam Stall’s board book contains a collection of original dance moves inspired by Jesus and the likes of Moses and John the Baptist. Dances include: the Water Walk, the Temptation Tango, the Judas Hustle, and The Apostolic Conga. Each dance move is outlined with: how to, inspiration, and an illustration. Slyly irreverent but ultimately festive, Dancing with Jesus is illustrated in full color. Best of all, two of the dances are animated for full effect by a lenticular cover and last-spread finale, making this a truly one-of-a-kind novelty item!
buy it here

The First 15
If you didn’t see our first 15 Bizarre Jesus Stocking Stuffers, those links have all been updated so those can still be purchased as well.