The 62 Naughtiest, Raunchiest and Sexiest Christmas Ornaments Available – Pornaments.

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Cross-dressing Santas, Blow Up Dolls, Bondage Teddy Bears and Screwing Snowmen… these ornaments are not what you’ll find on your Grandma’s tree. Made by the Dirty Flirty Novelty Company of New York, Pornaments are a range of PG, R and X–rated hand-painted glass ornaments that feature downright dirty holiday humor.



The Pornaments run the gamut from fairly benign versions of sexy Cowboys and Firemen to ones that would make Bumble blush, such as Santa getting it in the rear from a Candy Cane and fornicating elves. I’ve broken them up into a tame and torrid category for your viewing pleasure.

The PG-Rated Pornaments (20):
Hot Lips:
licking lips ornament

Coming Out For The Holidays and Stiff Package:
naughty santa

Strip Nick:
Gay Santa

Fireman, Cop and Cowboy Hunks:
sexy ornaments

Construction Hunk and French Maid:
construction hunk and french maid ornaments

Ho Ho Hung and Naughty or Naughtier:
Ho Ho Hung and Naughty or Naughtier

St. Nichol-Ass:
St. Nichol-Ass pornament

Hunk of The Year and Hottie Of The Year:
Hunk and Hottie of the Year ornaments

Wanna Ride?
gay motorcyclist ornament

Ready Teddy:
Bondage teddy bear ornament

Pleasure Pack and Tools Of The Trade:

I Think I Can:
sperm ornament

Do Not Open Til Christmas:

With plenty of Boobs, Bondage and Butts, the ornaments range from 4″ – 7″ and will delight straight, gay, bi or undecided folks who have a raunchy sense of humor.

The R-Rated and X-Rated Pornaments (42):

I have placed silly censor bars over some of the naughty bits because otherwise both Facebook and Google will penalize me. As ridiculous as that sounds, it’s the unfortunate truth. Note that when purchased, all the naughty bits are nice and visible.

Dominatrix and Macho Man:
dominatrix and biker ornaments

Blast Off:
blast off pornament

Santa Baby and Devilicious:
Santa Baby and Devilicious ornaments

Private Dancer and Ho Ho Ho:
Stripper ornaments

Boy Toy:
blow up doll ornament

Sexual Healing and Heavenly Body:
Sexual Healing and Heavenly Body ornaments

Special Delivery and Chim Chim Charlie:
Special Delivery and Chim Chim Charlie

Cool Licks and Toy Break:

Team Player:

Bondage Boobs, Bodacious Bodice and Santa Land Here:

Lip-Locked and Tingle Jingle:

Sweet Delivery and Snow Job:

Peppermint Nick:

Joker Stroker and Harlequin Honey:

Some were little more difficult to obscure (forgive me if these offend you):

Oh Deer:

Chillin’ Chums:

Snow Bumpin’:

Ginger Style:

Dipstick and Mistle Blow:

Eat Me, Peppermint Patty and Grab Bag:

Good Vibrations:
glass cock ornament

Horny Express:

Holiday Rush:

Holiday Ride:

Giddy Up:

Ride ’em Cowboy:

Full Frontal and Fire Starter:

So there you have it, 62 ornaments for a very very Naughty Christmas!

Shop Pornaments here


Streamline Crooked Christmas Ornaments is a similar company. See their products here.