Cross-dressing Santas, Blow Up Dolls, Bondage Teddy Bears and Screwing Snowmen… these ornaments are not what you’ll find on your Grandma’s tree. Made by the Dirty Flirty Novelty Company of New York, Pornaments are a range of PG, R and X–rated hand-painted glass ornaments that feature downright dirty holiday humor.
The Pornaments run the gamut from fairly benign versions of sexy Cowboys and Firemen to ones that would make Bumble blush, such as Santa getting it in the rear from a Candy Cane and fornicating elves. I’ve broken them up into a tame and torrid category for your viewing pleasure.
The PG-Rated Pornaments (20):
Coming Out For The Holidays and Stiff Package:
Fireman, Cop and Cowboy Hunks:
Construction Hunk and French Maid:
Ho Ho Hung and Naughty or Naughtier:
Hunk of The Year and Hottie Of The Year:
Pleasure Pack and Tools Of The Trade:
I Think I Can:
Do Not Open Til Christmas:
With plenty of Boobs, Bondage and Butts, the ornaments range from 4″ – 7″ and will delight straight, gay, bi or undecided folks who have a raunchy sense of humor.
The R-Rated and X-Rated Pornaments (42):
I have placed silly censor bars over some of the naughty bits because otherwise both Facebook and Google will penalize me. As ridiculous as that sounds, it’s the unfortunate truth. Note that when purchased, all the naughty bits are nice and visible.
Dominatrix and Macho Man:
Santa Baby and Devilicious:
Private Dancer and Ho Ho Ho:
Sexual Healing and Heavenly Body:
Special Delivery and Chim Chim Charlie:
Cool Licks and Toy Break:
Bondage Boobs, Bodacious Bodice and Santa Land Here:
Lip-Locked and Tingle Jingle:
Sweet Delivery and Snow Job:
Joker Stroker and Harlequin Honey:
Some were little more difficult to obscure (forgive me if these offend you):
Dipstick and Mistle Blow:
Eat Me, Peppermint Patty and Grab Bag:
Ride ’em Cowboy:
Full Frontal and Fire Starter:
So there you have it, 62 ornaments for a very very Naughty Christmas!
Streamline Crooked Christmas Ornaments is a similar company. See their products here.